The One Where All Three of Us Cry at Target

We went to Target today. No surprise there, as going to Target is pretty much an everyday occurrence for us. This time, we pulled up to the store and parked, only to discover that the stroller wasn't in the car. Since there were a few things we really needed, I decided to go ahead and brave the store in one of Target's double carts.

The calm before the storm.

I HATE these carts with a passion, and I hate the fact that if you have two kids of a cart-necessitating age, this is the only option you have. No side-by-side doubles like at Costco, and no super-fun double cars like at other grocery stores. There are several fatal flaws in the design. The first? Look at the kids' knees. They are touching. They are all up in each other's business, they are crowded, and you can bet that it doesn't take long for the kicking to start. The second is that the kids are seated well below the parent's eye level. The third is that the carts are as long as a freaking bus and extremely hard to steer (and this is coming from someone accustomed to double strollers).

Anyways. We shopped in peace for awhile, then the kids started demanding a snack...no big deal. So we got our snacks and finished piling what we needed into the cart. When it was time to check out, there were only two check-out lanes open and both were several shoppers deep. So I picked one and as we waited, the kids started to lose it. First they started fighting over their snack. Then they started asking for water. Seeing no other option, I grabbed them a bottle of water from the check-out line and tried to help them drink it. This lead to them screaming at ME because they wanted to hold the bottle themselves, then screaming at EACH OTHER because each felt it should be his or her own turn to hold the bottle, then screaming IN GENERAL because they both ended up dumping water all over themselves. And the floor. And as all this is happening, I have nowhere to go. I'm stuck with my groceries on the conveyor belt, a shopper behind me, and the woman in front of me taking her sweet time checking out, using her debit card, and getting cash back.

When it was finally our turn, the kids were still screaming. I couldn't bring myself to make eye contact with anyone. I couldn't look around for fear that someone I knew was there, watching. I wanted the floor to swallow me up (but please leave my screaming kids behind). The cashier (a teenage boy, of course...not at all sympathetic to the mom of two) did not say ONE WORD to me. Which made me feel both irritated and thankful, because I think if he had asked me how I was doing I would have either burst into tears or said something extremely sarcastic. And does anyone else find it interesting that when both kids are behaving and acting nothing but sweet, I get comments like "You have your hands full!" and "God bless you!" and "Double trouble!" and yet when they are behaving horribly I get nothing?? I guess everyone was just too busy steering clear of us to offer their witty comments.

We finally made it to our car, leaving a trail of water puddles and ringing ears behind us. It was one of those situations where if you don't laugh, you cry. And I really was just too embarrassed for laughter. So I cried. And as luck would have it, Brian had come home early for lunch and was waiting when we got home. He looked at our soaking wet children and my face and tried to remain calm until I could tell him what happened. He refrained from laughing at me, helped me get the kids their lunch, and assured me that I'm not a bad mom and I don't need to find a new Target (although he did suggest I wait a few days before returning to ours). (And on that note, if you or someone you know saw me in Target today, please don't ever tell me. Ignorance is bliss, people.)

In addition to our Target fun, today also included three toothbrushes thrown in to the bathtub, a jumbo-sized bag of pretzels spilled on the pantry floor, our first-but-probably-not-last incident of crayon drawings on the wall, and a grumpy little boy who (despite visits to the doctor last Wednesday AND Saturday) cannot seem to shake whatever is bothering him.

Is it tomorrow yet??