2011

We had a lovely New Year's Eve dinner last night with my brother and Tiff, and then (I am embarrassed to admit) I was home and in bed well before midnight. We spent the first day of 2012 caring for a sick Charlie (who has caught strep throat from Jensen) and watching the excitement on our street as a neighbor's house caught fire and was very, very badly damaged and may even be a total loss (say a little prayer for them...what a terrible way to begin the new year). I did some thinking about the past year. Lots of good things happened in 2011: Charlotte and Jensen turned one, my brother graduated from paramedic school and became an official firefighter for the city of Dallas (and got engaged!) and the kiddos started preschool and did awesome. But unfortunately, I think 2011 will always probably be remembered for one thing: It was the year we said goodbye to Bailey.

I still miss her. Badly. Sometimes when I think about it, I still get that feeling that someone just punched me in the stomach. I miss her at obvious times: When friends bring over their rescued golden who was wonderful with C & J and I think, Why couldn't Bailey have just been like that? When I went to pick up Bear from getting groomed and realized it was the first time I had set foot in PetSmart since Bailey...and lost it the minute I got Bear in the car. And when Brian got out the boxes of Christmas decorations and I left them unopened for a full two days before working up the courage to open them because I knew Bailey's stocking would be inside and I didn't want to see it.

I also miss her at not-so-obvious times, like on the first cold day of the year...I was sad all day thinking about how much she loved the cold weather and would have been frisky as can be. And when we sent out our Christmas cards...the first time in years Bailey's name and picture weren't included. On the day of the twins' first birthday party, which unfortunately fell on what would have been Bailey's 8th birthday. And on Christmas...despite  how wonderful the day was, I had a lingering feeling of yuckiness all day long. It wasn't until C & J were asleep that Brian and I admitted to each other that we were both feeling the sting of the first Christmas without Bailey. Going to the lake isn't the same, driving through Starbucks isn't the same, and life isn't the same without our dog.

So that's that. The defining event of our year. I feel like I should end on a positive note, so I'll say this: It has at least gotten a little bit better. Brian and I can reminisce and laugh about the funny things, like the way Bailey's big backside stuck up in the air as she nosed through her stocking each Christmas morning. And someday (although probably not in 2012) we will add another dog to our family...I am really looking forward to that new beginning.