A Babyproof Christmas

Since the babies were born, two very strange things have happened to our house. First, it shrunk by what seems to be at least a couple hundred square feet. Second, it appears as though Babies 'r' Us found our house on google maps, drove over in a huge truck, removed our roof, dumped the entire contents of the store into our house, put the roof back on, and left. I am not kidding when I say that practically everyone who comes over looks around and says something to the effect of, "Wow, you can sure tell that two babies live here!" Call me crazy, but I don't think any of them have meant it as a compliment.

And things have gotten even worse since Jensen has become a man on the move and the babyproofing has begun. We have gates up and outlet covers on and have removed almost anything that is not baby-related from the living room. This is our lovely setup:

Baby gates, outlet covers, curtains draped out of reach... and my son, gazing out the window while scratching his butt. Lovely.

Bailey is not loving these gates. She is allowed wherever she wants, but she is NOT allowed to chew her bones in the baby area. A dog with her bone + a baby who will surely try to steal the bone = trouble.

And that brings us to now: 'tis the season to decorate for Christmas! And unfortunately, most Christmas decorations are not baby-friendly. Also unfortunately, we always put our Christmas tree up in our living room, which is also the place where we have baby-proofed and the babies and I spend about 90% of our time. I scouted the house for other possible Christmas tree locations, and there just aren't any. I was stressing for awhile about how I was going to keep two infants away from the tree and all its trimmings--not to mention the gifts that will go underneath (that is, if I ever get around to buying any). I asked a few people how they kept their babies away from the tree and I got answers like, "Well, I just watch them. And make sure they don't touch it." Okay, not helpful. These people are clearly more on top of things than I am, because there is no way that solution is going to fly in our house. But don't worry! I'm not a Grinch and our house has a tree...behold:

From this view it appears to be your average tree...

O Christmas tree, O Christmas tree, how tiny are your branches!

Yes, I got a tiny tree. And tiny ornaments from the Dollar Spot at Target. And I am going to put the presents (again, if I get around to buying any) on the table beside the tree. You might say we are taking a "less is more" approach to decorating this holiday season. I kind of love the little tree. It's like the opposite of the Griswold Family Christmas Tree: it's fake, it's pre-lit, there is no room for a squirrel to hide, and if it falls down, it definitely won't crash through the neighbor's window.

But as much as I love the tiny tree, I still had one tiny problem. I like to take pictures in front of our Christmas tree and I don't think that taking pictures in front of the tiny tree will result in any Christmas-card-worthy photos. So, on a recent trip to Decorator's Warehouse, I got The Best Idea Ever.  

Why not just take a family picture in front of one of these lovely (if a bit gaudy) professionally-decorated trees...and pass the tree off as my own? Then, all that will be left to do will be to shrug modestly as I bask in compliments such as "Your tree is gorgeous!" and "But you have twins! How did you ever find the time to decorate such a lovely tree?" and "Wow, how DO you do it?!" 

A great idea, but it still left me with one problem...the twins and I were there and ready to pose in front of the tree, but the rest of the family (aka Brian and Bailey) were not. But then, I got The Second Best Idea Ever:

If that professional photographer with talent plus years of experience and expensive photo-editing software can edit little Charlotte into the picture of the happy grandkids, then why can't I edit Brian and Bailey into the photo of the twins and me in front of the Decorator's Warehouse tree? I am a genius!

So we did it...we took the picture in front of one of the trees at Decorator's Warehouse. We got some strange looks, but I figure that's either because Charlotte was flashing the entire store or because the other shoppers were just jealous that they didn't think of The Best Idea Ever.


So, from our family to yours...

Merry Christmas!