Healing

It has been just over two weeks since we said goodbye to Bailey. Some days are good, and some days are bad...but each day is slowly getting easier. The best news of all is that Jensen is healing quickly, both physically and emotionally. Someone commented that kids are remarkably resilient and I have found that to be so true. Jensen's bruises were gone after a few days, and his bites and scratches are healing quickly as well. I will be so thankful when they are completely gone. The thing that has amazed me the most is that he seems to have no psychological damage at all. I'm not sure how babies' brains work as far as things like this...has he completely forgotten about it already? Over the past few weeks, he has gotten to spend time with my parent's two goldens...and his face still lights up when he sees them. He still loves to pet them and he still giggles when they cover his little face in slobbery kisses...it makes me so happy. I was terrified that he would develop a fear of dogs and I am thrilled that so far that doesn't seem to be the case.

Brian and I are healing, too. I no longer hear Jensen crying and see what happened every time I close my eyes. For a few days, I would look down and find my hands shaking for no reason. That has thankfully stopped, too. The first time I heard my parent's goldens playing together (complete with loud barks and growls) it made my heart start beating faster...but I'm getting used to it. So the shock and pain of the incident itself are, thankfully, fading. What remains now is just plain sadness. We miss our Bay. I still think about her constantly and sometimes forget that she isn't here. We drove around looking at houses the other day (no, we aren't moving...we just like to look for fun on lazy weekend afternoons) and I kept thinking to myself, "Bailey would love that backyard!" or "Bailey would love to visit those horses on her walks." When we load up the car for a Sunday dinner at my parents house, I always feel like we're forgetting something. I guess that's how I feel a lot of the time...like something's missing. Like a constant ache that's always there, right under the surface.

A few things have made us feel a bit better, though: Thoughtful emails from friends, even some friends of our parents whom we haven't seen in years. A sweet card in the mail from a friend from high school who went through the same thing last year. And a card from my library friends that said, among other things, this:

They made a donation to the rescue group...how amazing to know that other goldens will be helped because of Bailey.

Brian and I have been talking about how, from the outside, it seems like you would love your pets less when you have human children...for us, that wasn't the case. I can't deny that I definitely had less time to spend with Bailey, and so did Brian. But our love for her was the same. We are still "dog people". And someday, we hope to add another dog to our family...but not now. We still have quite a bit of healing left to do.